Parasitaphobia: The Lost Boys and I have a strange connection
As a psychologist, I'm always intrigued by the self-exploration of my own emotions. Fear is one emotion that I research constantly, and even through my struggles with anxiety, I'm always at least a small part fascinated with how powerful emotions truly are. Each person having their own, possibly DNA-activated past-life fears or something conditioned; a dark room in their mind. I see each new person I meet like THE CELL and I explore my education in profiling to learn as much as possible about the folds of a personality before me...
Knowing someone's fear is, in a deeply intimate way, knowing a vulnerability. In forensic psychology, interrogation, interviewing, interactions of violence - we try to gauge fear and fear response - to mute, change, bend and even desensitize ourselves from what scares us. Anxiety can be a form of fear, for me it the fear of losing control. I am a perfectionist, Virgo, control freak and when you try to remove your self-destructive tendencies you are often left alone in the Sea of Life without a sense of control; at least that is how it was for me.
Today marks 30 years of a movie that often comes to mind when I'm exploring my own fears, The Lost Boys. My sister was a huge Keifer Sutherland fan growing up, so we had worn VHS tapes of all his movies. The Lost Boys was an actual movie we had purchased and the red and black cover is etched in my memory well. I'm not sure where my initial fear of parasites began, but I know The Lost Boys movie didn't help. Parasitophobia, the fear of parasites, is a real issue for me on a daily basis. Hence the difference between fear and phobia. The scary thoughts of worms entering my body, ticks latching onto my skin, things sucking out my blood or injecting their tongues into my blood stream pops into my mind at least once or twice an hour. When I go to eat my favorite sushi platter, I have to make sure I control my thoughts so I can swallow before images of tapeworms go flashing into my mind.
I love to be in nature, especially barefoot, but I have to make sure I feel safe against anything that might be lurking in the grass. Ticks with their arms up in prayer, reaching out for me as I walk past. I dream of going camping but then have nightmares of all the leeches, ticks, worms and things that might be in the water. I don't swim in lakes, or any water that I feel is too stagnate or murky, because this fear has evolved into a phobia; I cannot function if the thoughts swarm for too long.
So, The Lost Boys has a specific scene wherein Michael, the main character is being hazed into the vampire cult. The handsome and punky vampire lead, played by Kiefer, encourages another character to eat his Chinese food. The camera pans down to very average looking take-out, something we would eat on special occasions to the Hibachi, just normal rice and noodles. Michael takes a mouthful of the food and all the vampires start to laugh. He looks down into his bowl and sees worms and maggots where the rice and noodles once were; spitting food all over the floor. It wasn't until I was a teenager facing peer pressure, a cheerleading dinner at Hibachi, that I swallowed a mouthful of rice without puking.
It's strange how fears and phobias grow in our mind and influence our behaviors. The fear can be contained but not eradicated and triggers can pop up all around us. Aside from the natural inherent fears of falling and loud noise, anything else that scares you - makes you unique. What fears and phobias stir in your nightmares and why?
Knowing someone's fear is, in a deeply intimate way, knowing a vulnerability. In forensic psychology, interrogation, interviewing, interactions of violence - we try to gauge fear and fear response - to mute, change, bend and even desensitize ourselves from what scares us. Anxiety can be a form of fear, for me it the fear of losing control. I am a perfectionist, Virgo, control freak and when you try to remove your self-destructive tendencies you are often left alone in the Sea of Life without a sense of control; at least that is how it was for me.
Today marks 30 years of a movie that often comes to mind when I'm exploring my own fears, The Lost Boys. My sister was a huge Keifer Sutherland fan growing up, so we had worn VHS tapes of all his movies. The Lost Boys was an actual movie we had purchased and the red and black cover is etched in my memory well. I'm not sure where my initial fear of parasites began, but I know The Lost Boys movie didn't help. Parasitophobia, the fear of parasites, is a real issue for me on a daily basis. Hence the difference between fear and phobia. The scary thoughts of worms entering my body, ticks latching onto my skin, things sucking out my blood or injecting their tongues into my blood stream pops into my mind at least once or twice an hour. When I go to eat my favorite sushi platter, I have to make sure I control my thoughts so I can swallow before images of tapeworms go flashing into my mind.
So, The Lost Boys has a specific scene wherein Michael, the main character is being hazed into the vampire cult. The handsome and punky vampire lead, played by Kiefer, encourages another character to eat his Chinese food. The camera pans down to very average looking take-out, something we would eat on special occasions to the Hibachi, just normal rice and noodles. Michael takes a mouthful of the food and all the vampires start to laugh. He looks down into his bowl and sees worms and maggots where the rice and noodles once were; spitting food all over the floor. It wasn't until I was a teenager facing peer pressure, a cheerleading dinner at Hibachi, that I swallowed a mouthful of rice without puking.
It's strange how fears and phobias grow in our mind and influence our behaviors. The fear can be contained but not eradicated and triggers can pop up all around us. Aside from the natural inherent fears of falling and loud noise, anything else that scares you - makes you unique. What fears and phobias stir in your nightmares and why?
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