July - A wake up
I've been blogging in categories, trying to figure out which one was going to 'speak to me'. Hoping one clear path would stand out above the others and 'make itself known'. The truth is, I'm sick of thinking I might be making the wrong decisions and sometimes it's easier to trust the Universe, or nothing at all, if it means the antithesis of trusting your own gut.
Far too long I've been asking the Universe to make decisions for me while also praying and meditating on how to become a stronger woman. It wasn't until I completely let go, gave up my control, and also my 'wants' and saw the bigger - always more ironic - message of it all. The bigger picture and the clearer perspective: I was asking to be empowered but also asking for the relinquishment of my responsibility of choice. Can those two things exist at the same time?
I spent a few months really thinking about that... mostly phases of being disappointed in my mixed signals and naive thinking. I can make ten wrong decisions and one right one in the time I've been sitting on my ass waiting for the Universe to give me a sign. Instead of working to see the signs, I've been waiting. Not to say that waiting doesn't allow for immensely helpful information to come to you, but I've been stagnate to DO much of anything 'clear in purpose' for some time now.
It's the root of my anxiety, I believe. The more I meditate and focus on the fact that movement and clean energy help me feel better, the more fascinated I am becoming with the concept of mental illness, anxiety, EMF sickness and over-sensory fueling depression and disconnection. I've been feeling better and better, moving more and more, breathing cleaner air and having better thoughts.
I miss things, but I don't miss feeling sick every morning.
I miss the oatmilk latte's with lavender honey and the company of free-thinking women with similar lives and issues to my own, but I don't miss feeling sick after every meal.
I miss the food trucks and weekend parties that celebrated some random world culture, but I don't miss watching it all from a window four stories above it all.
I miss the people watching but I don't miss the insomnia.
I miss a lot of things about the city life and the EMF overload, the bustle and the buzz... but I don't miss being sick. Feeling better has become an addiction I want to entertain and I'm hoping to find some fellow nature junkies, wherever they might be.
Far too long I've been asking the Universe to make decisions for me while also praying and meditating on how to become a stronger woman. It wasn't until I completely let go, gave up my control, and also my 'wants' and saw the bigger - always more ironic - message of it all. The bigger picture and the clearer perspective: I was asking to be empowered but also asking for the relinquishment of my responsibility of choice. Can those two things exist at the same time?
I spent a few months really thinking about that... mostly phases of being disappointed in my mixed signals and naive thinking. I can make ten wrong decisions and one right one in the time I've been sitting on my ass waiting for the Universe to give me a sign. Instead of working to see the signs, I've been waiting. Not to say that waiting doesn't allow for immensely helpful information to come to you, but I've been stagnate to DO much of anything 'clear in purpose' for some time now.
It's the root of my anxiety, I believe. The more I meditate and focus on the fact that movement and clean energy help me feel better, the more fascinated I am becoming with the concept of mental illness, anxiety, EMF sickness and over-sensory fueling depression and disconnection. I've been feeling better and better, moving more and more, breathing cleaner air and having better thoughts.
I miss things, but I don't miss feeling sick every morning.
I miss the oatmilk latte's with lavender honey and the company of free-thinking women with similar lives and issues to my own, but I don't miss feeling sick after every meal.
I miss the food trucks and weekend parties that celebrated some random world culture, but I don't miss watching it all from a window four stories above it all.
I miss the people watching but I don't miss the insomnia.
I miss a lot of things about the city life and the EMF overload, the bustle and the buzz... but I don't miss being sick. Feeling better has become an addiction I want to entertain and I'm hoping to find some fellow nature junkies, wherever they might be.
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