National Girlfriends Day: It takes Something special...
I grew up with a handful of girlfriends that were my partners in crime during all the cliche milestones of childhood. The girls that I giggled with over my first crush, first kiss, first sleep over and who knew all my deep, dark, secrets. After being moved from one district to another, graduating high school and moving out of the city, those relationships crystallized into good memories and nothing more. Only a few of the friendships survived the coarse of time and maturity and through social media, some have recently blossomed again. However, there was always this gap in my life from what I would see on television. I didn't have a 'group of girlfriends' that I had known and loved my whole life. I didn't have those women on speed dial that I could call crying, I simply didn't.
I would watch SEX IN THE CITY, SAVED BY THE BELL, and other television shows that glorified these relationships that I could only imagine; it seemed surreal. Even in college, joining sororities and organizations, working volunteer hours with peers... I never seemed to connect with anyone that wanted to be a close friend. I didn't want to burden anyone with my issues and therefore the relationships were always very surface. The few good friends I would still hug and support after all these years lived states away and it just seemed like everything was working against me. I figured it was the curse of an introvert? Maybe because I was a paranormal author, forensic psychology geek who would rather go hiking in nature than shopping at the mall. By my late 20's, I accepted that I would likely not ever have a close 'friend' or 'girlfriend' group and that I would just wing it.
After having kids, I realized how important a group of other women might be. I joined Facebook groups and even attended weekly teas at my birthing center, but still no one seemed to stick. I figured I was either too weird or too picky to ever find someone I could call a 'friend'. Just before having my boys, I had almost found it - Mallie, Kelly, Susan, Amy, my paranormal girls (if you're reading this) - you were the closest I allowed anyone in decades. I felt welcomed and supported by these amazing women that inspired me, we inspired each other, but because we were so much alike we were also too busy to spend much time together. Relationships, business, writing, exploring, living out the end of our 20's as free-thinking women and we knew each other well without having to see each other often. I felt like my coven was tangible but still not real. I felt connection but yet didn't have it.
After my sons, I did less exploring and had less of an opportunity to hang out with those friends that didn't have children. The thought of tagging along with a baby strapped to your boob seemed to damper all the fun you could provide to the group and I dissolved from my growing possibility of friends. A few peers stuck around and have remained consistent in my heart, but I wouldn't dare burden them with my tears in the late night so I wondered if I could really call 'that a friendship'. My husband and I were best friends, but even still, there was a void in my life and I knew it. I didn't want to cry over my stretch marks, depression, weaknesses in front of my partner whom I was hoping could still see me as a strong woman. I needed to crack in the presence of estrogen and after the death of my mother, I was scared to go into that abyss.
Then it happened. Just as the Universe usually does, acting only after you've given up. I came to an inner peace on my own and then I found a unique woman had walked into my life. A long-haired Sami woman who could blend into any culture. She was bold, sarcastic, smart, fun, positive and real. Being near her was like being barefoot in your front lawn from childhood; a comfortable place that felt sentimental. As an empath and intuitive person, I hoped it wasn't just my observation of her amazing energy and that perhaps we could find something to talk about. It turns out, the Universe had given us each a very important piece of our current emotional puzzle. Grief of loved ones help us skip decades in our first coffee date and immediately we called each other 'friends'.
I didn't like to call people, in fact I hated it. I told her that and she said we would work on it. Every few weekends she would call me to see if I wanted to get coffee. Soon it went from being a weekly call to a morning call; a pleasant part of my daily routine. We would check in with each other spiritually, emotionally, physically, and just listen without judgement. I immediately let her know my ticks, fears, 'issues' and she would barter a piece of information too. I felt the void start to fill with hope and happiness the more and more I got to know my new friend.
One thing I appreciated most was her generosity, trust, and perspective. Without judgement or preconceived notions, we could have conversations about music or our marriages and give nothing but growth to each other. I felt honored that the Universe had given me such a gift. The more I got to know her, the more I got to know her friends and family. Having moving to Minneapolis with no one, I didn't have a village in place when I started a family and for five years I had done it all alone with Brandon. We didn't have anyone to help with date nights, to share clothes/toys with, to invite to birthday parties and all our family was spread hundreds of miles over the country. It was lonely a lot of the time. Having a friend with children, with friends that have family, with family that have friends was something new. Being able to show up to her house and help fold laundry over conversation while our children laughed in the front yard was a priceless gift I was growing to love more and more.
Her mother, grandmother, sister, friends all began to know who I was and soon I could see the family tree that had grown this strong woman. It takes a village - I knew it, believed it, felt it, but saw it happening before my eyes after I established this friendship and it was priceless. Seeing my children learn lessons from other adults, observe other families, play with different kinds of kids was allowing positivism to radiate through my family. I was nothing but grateful. The more grateful I became, the more I called and put in the effort, the easier it became and the stronger our friendship grew. Soon, her friends were also my friends, and we were happy to support one another. I kept waiting for the 'high school drama' to start... but it never did.
A coven was born. Now, as a 30-some year old mother of two, I can proudly say I have a best-friend, girlfriend, and gaggle of women that I call dear to my heart. Women who know me, know my personality, know that I am a perfectionist riding a tall wave of chaos and women who have seen me cry. Women who talk proudly behind my back because we know that it is us against the world. Women who pass out my business card, women who I'm proud to associate with, women who inspire me and motivate me and who offer to braid my hair when I show up a mess. Women who would never call me to put me down, judge me, send me any negativity... because they love me.
So, on this National Girlfriends Day, I want to let all the lonely women out there know that it doesn't have to be lonely. For so long I wondered if I would ever have a friend in life that could laugh with me during the dark times and it was after I stopped worrying that the Universe provided. Love grows from love. Love yourself and all you're given and then you'll find you're the best gift waiting to be mutually given to others.
I would watch SEX IN THE CITY, SAVED BY THE BELL, and other television shows that glorified these relationships that I could only imagine; it seemed surreal. Even in college, joining sororities and organizations, working volunteer hours with peers... I never seemed to connect with anyone that wanted to be a close friend. I didn't want to burden anyone with my issues and therefore the relationships were always very surface. The few good friends I would still hug and support after all these years lived states away and it just seemed like everything was working against me. I figured it was the curse of an introvert? Maybe because I was a paranormal author, forensic psychology geek who would rather go hiking in nature than shopping at the mall. By my late 20's, I accepted that I would likely not ever have a close 'friend' or 'girlfriend' group and that I would just wing it.
After having kids, I realized how important a group of other women might be. I joined Facebook groups and even attended weekly teas at my birthing center, but still no one seemed to stick. I figured I was either too weird or too picky to ever find someone I could call a 'friend'. Just before having my boys, I had almost found it - Mallie, Kelly, Susan, Amy, my paranormal girls (if you're reading this) - you were the closest I allowed anyone in decades. I felt welcomed and supported by these amazing women that inspired me, we inspired each other, but because we were so much alike we were also too busy to spend much time together. Relationships, business, writing, exploring, living out the end of our 20's as free-thinking women and we knew each other well without having to see each other often. I felt like my coven was tangible but still not real. I felt connection but yet didn't have it.
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| Marley and Patrick were always giving me hope to stick it out. |
After my sons, I did less exploring and had less of an opportunity to hang out with those friends that didn't have children. The thought of tagging along with a baby strapped to your boob seemed to damper all the fun you could provide to the group and I dissolved from my growing possibility of friends. A few peers stuck around and have remained consistent in my heart, but I wouldn't dare burden them with my tears in the late night so I wondered if I could really call 'that a friendship'. My husband and I were best friends, but even still, there was a void in my life and I knew it. I didn't want to cry over my stretch marks, depression, weaknesses in front of my partner whom I was hoping could still see me as a strong woman. I needed to crack in the presence of estrogen and after the death of my mother, I was scared to go into that abyss.
Then it happened. Just as the Universe usually does, acting only after you've given up. I came to an inner peace on my own and then I found a unique woman had walked into my life. A long-haired Sami woman who could blend into any culture. She was bold, sarcastic, smart, fun, positive and real. Being near her was like being barefoot in your front lawn from childhood; a comfortable place that felt sentimental. As an empath and intuitive person, I hoped it wasn't just my observation of her amazing energy and that perhaps we could find something to talk about. It turns out, the Universe had given us each a very important piece of our current emotional puzzle. Grief of loved ones help us skip decades in our first coffee date and immediately we called each other 'friends'.
I didn't like to call people, in fact I hated it. I told her that and she said we would work on it. Every few weekends she would call me to see if I wanted to get coffee. Soon it went from being a weekly call to a morning call; a pleasant part of my daily routine. We would check in with each other spiritually, emotionally, physically, and just listen without judgement. I immediately let her know my ticks, fears, 'issues' and she would barter a piece of information too. I felt the void start to fill with hope and happiness the more and more I got to know my new friend.
One thing I appreciated most was her generosity, trust, and perspective. Without judgement or preconceived notions, we could have conversations about music or our marriages and give nothing but growth to each other. I felt honored that the Universe had given me such a gift. The more I got to know her, the more I got to know her friends and family. Having moving to Minneapolis with no one, I didn't have a village in place when I started a family and for five years I had done it all alone with Brandon. We didn't have anyone to help with date nights, to share clothes/toys with, to invite to birthday parties and all our family was spread hundreds of miles over the country. It was lonely a lot of the time. Having a friend with children, with friends that have family, with family that have friends was something new. Being able to show up to her house and help fold laundry over conversation while our children laughed in the front yard was a priceless gift I was growing to love more and more.
Her mother, grandmother, sister, friends all began to know who I was and soon I could see the family tree that had grown this strong woman. It takes a village - I knew it, believed it, felt it, but saw it happening before my eyes after I established this friendship and it was priceless. Seeing my children learn lessons from other adults, observe other families, play with different kinds of kids was allowing positivism to radiate through my family. I was nothing but grateful. The more grateful I became, the more I called and put in the effort, the easier it became and the stronger our friendship grew. Soon, her friends were also my friends, and we were happy to support one another. I kept waiting for the 'high school drama' to start... but it never did.
A coven was born. Now, as a 30-some year old mother of two, I can proudly say I have a best-friend, girlfriend, and gaggle of women that I call dear to my heart. Women who know me, know my personality, know that I am a perfectionist riding a tall wave of chaos and women who have seen me cry. Women who talk proudly behind my back because we know that it is us against the world. Women who pass out my business card, women who I'm proud to associate with, women who inspire me and motivate me and who offer to braid my hair when I show up a mess. Women who would never call me to put me down, judge me, send me any negativity... because they love me.
So, on this National Girlfriends Day, I want to let all the lonely women out there know that it doesn't have to be lonely. For so long I wondered if I would ever have a friend in life that could laugh with me during the dark times and it was after I stopped worrying that the Universe provided. Love grows from love. Love yourself and all you're given and then you'll find you're the best gift waiting to be mutually given to others.
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